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Coronavirus: ‘Crony experts should be axed’, says doctor

2020.10.16 01:48 GeorgeHackenschmidt Coronavirus: ‘Crony experts should be axed’, says doctor

From the Strayan:

Tens of thousands of healthcare workers have been put at risk by the failure of the nation’s top infection control advisers to toughen recommendations on the use of protective equipment and acknowledge the airborne spread of coronavirus, a senior doctors’ representative has warned.
The head of the Australian Medical Association in Western Australia, Andrew Miller, said the high rate of healthcare worker ­infections in Melbourne was a ­“national disaster” that had largely contributed to the city’s harsh lockdown and was preventing the easing of restrictions.
There have been almost 3600 healthcare workers infected in Melbourne’s second wave of COVID-19, with thousands more furloughed, forcing the closure of wards and the movement of ­patients off site at one hospital.
Despite the explosion in the number of infected healthcare workers, the federal chief advisers on infection control failed to upgrade their guidelines to recommend the use of respirator masks in all situations when dealing with suspected or confirmed coronavirus cases.
The current guidelines stipulate that only a surgical mask is ­required unless a healthcare worker is performing an aerosol-generating procedure such as taking a throat swab, or in situations where there are a high number of COVID-19 patients or the possibility that a patient will exhibit “challenging behaviour”.
Dr Miller, an anaesthetist, is now calling for the resignation of the chair of the federal Infection Control Expert Group, infectious diseases physician and microbiologist Lyn Gilbert. Dr Miller ­attacked the group as being made up of “largely cronies”.
“We have this patently ridiculous attitude towards healthcare worker safety from the Infection Control Expert Group, which is a group of boffins who don’t do our jobs, who were in charge before he disastrous Melbourne outbreak, and inexplicably are still in charge,” Dr Miller said.
“This committee is largely cronies, people who are very well known to each other, whose ­careers are interdependent, and they suffer from groupthink, lack of diversity and demonstrated failure.
“Right now the brutal fact of it is they’ve failed us. The whole committee needs to be revamped and we need to start taking PPE seriously or Melbourne won’t be the only place that ends up locked down and this won’t be the last lockdown for Melbourne.”
Professor Gilbert declined to respond. Acting Chief Medical ­Officer Paul Kelly said he had “full confidence” in Professor Gilbert and all members of the group.
“They have an unwavering commitment to evidence-based decision-making, which has evolved based on the most up-to-date ­evidence,” Professor Kelly said.
Since the beginning of the pandemic, 3599 healthcare workers — including in hospitals, aged care, GP clinics and allied health — have been infected in Victoria.
“It’s a national disaster,” Dr Miller said. “We don’t know yet how many died or ended up in ICU because they haven’t released that data. It’s caused the lockdown, there’s no doubt about it.”
The Royal Melbourne Hospital was forced to close four wards and move some patients off site in ­August when 139 healthcare workers were infected. St Vincent’s Hospital has had 115 COVID-19 cases in healthcare workers, and another four Melbourne hospitals including the Northern, Sunshine and Footscray, have had between 50 and 100 cases each.
Another recent cluster of cases at Box Hill hospital has accounted for a significant proportion of ­recent daily case numbers.
The Royal Melbourne said in a statement it had been “in line with, and in some cases above” DHHS requirements on PPE. “The safety of our staff and patients has been, and continues to be, our highest priority,” the hospital said.
St Vincent’s said its staff were “were ­required to wear N95 respirators when caring for patients who have tested positive or are suspected of having COVID-19”.
The Victorian health department in July strengthened its guidelines around the circumstances in which P2 or N95 respirator masks should be worn, but doctors say they are still inadequate.
The guidelines now mandate that P2 or N95 masks be worn when frequent or prolonged episodes of care are provided to COVID-19 positive patients, in “uncontrolled settings” where suspected or confirmed coronavirus patients are cohorted, and where there is a risk of unplanned aerosol generating procedures or behaviours.
Aerosol generating procedures include intubation, ventilation or sectioning of the airways.
Melbourne infectious diseases physician Michelle Ananda-Rajah described the PPE that many doctors and nurses had been given in Melbourne hospitals as “budget standard”.
“When you’re seeing healthcare outbreaks occurring amidst plummeting community transmission there should be alarm bells ringing,” she said.
“The national guidelines have chopped and changed. Policies have been reactive rather than precautionary. We have reacted to these crises rather than preventing them by giving us the highest level of PPE.”
Dr Ananda-Rajah also criticised a “command and control” culture in many hospitals in which healthcare workers have been “bullied and censored” and had their concerns at inadequate PPE dismissed.
“Overlying all the themes really was a failure of leadership,” she said. “All of these people in power, the healthcare workers feel that they have failed them.”
The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends the use of respirator masks for any care of suspected or confirmed COVID-19 cases, as does the European Centre for Disease Prevention and Control.
Asian countries are much stricter on the use of PPE, with healthcare workers in Singapore, Taiwan and South Korea kitted out in head-to-toe suits and tight goggles with no skin or hair ­exposed. There have been very few infections in healthcare workers in those countries.
Melbourne doctor Benjamin Veness, a psychiatry registrar, said fit-testing of P2 and N95 respirators had also been woefully inadequate.
“Not only have we done a poor job or providing the requisite PPE, but we haven’t done our utmost to make sure it fits and that people are trained in how to use it,” Dr Veness said.
Dr Veness called for national guidelines to be brought into line with those of the US and European CDCs, both of which acknowledge airborne spread of COVID-19 through normal physiological activity like speaking.
Dr Veness said there had been “a false assumption made that only particular types of interventions lead to the generation of aerosols and only in those circumstances were N95s provided”.
The federal Health Department, on behalf of the ICEG, said it had “consistently acknowledged the potential for transmission of SARS-CoV-2 via aerosols in specific circumstances”.
“The role of transmission via aerosols in real-life transmission of SARS-CoV-2 is unclear,” the department said.
“ICEG notes recent report of health care worker infections acquired in the workplace in the setting of prolonged, close patient contact. It remains unclear whether this reflects enhanced infection potential via predominant modes of transmission such as increased dispersal of infectious droplets and heavy environmental contamination, or aerosolisation.”
International statistics on healthcare worker infections are not available, but the level of infection in Victorian healthcare workers is relatively high by world standards. A recent paper published in The Lancet found that the prevalence of COVID-19 in the US was 2747 cases per 100,000 frontline healthcare workers compared with 242 cases per 100 000 people in the general community.
There are 119,813 doctors and nurses registered in Victoria.
submitted by GeorgeHackenschmidt to CoronavirusDownunder [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 21:51 Fordius25 The Bloody Pearl Of The Orient (Part 1)

So disclaimer: I am partially gonna rely on a narrative set by Wargame: Red Dragon's Pearl Of The Orient campaign which focuses on a Chinese invasion of Hong Kong and the UK's defense of the colony. I will use some aspects of the story, whilst fleshing out the narrative in a broader context and I have posted this in alternatehistory though I thought it'd be nice if I could post here. Also first time here :)
So the scene is set for the 1980s, where Britain and China exchange a war of words that quickly escalates to an actual one. I like to think this is a narrative one, and if I get good enough reception I can start inserting 'anecdotes' like WWZ style. The goal is to make a convincing narrative here.
1982-1983: Official negotiations between the People's Republic of China and Great Britain begin over the question of the future status of the Crown Colony of Hong Kong, as the lease on the New Territories nears its end in 1997. One of the last colonial territories in East Asia, Hong Kong had risen from the ashes of Japanese occupation in WWII and was thriving as a regional economic and manufacturing powerhouse. While tensions still lingered in the colony following the war: by the 1980s, British administration and law became generally accepted amongst the populace and Hong Kong remained a land of opportunity and prosperity as one of the four Asian Tigers.
For China, Hong Kong was a sore reminder of its 'century of humiliation' and the legacy of the 'unequal treaties' it had been coerced to sign. It was imperative for the country to reunify its former territories and correct the injustice that was the colonial rule by Britain and reclaim the territory. For Britain however, Hong Kong became an adopted region of the mother country, one which had prospered under British rule and one whose denizens associated strongly with British culture. The question in the minds of both sides was who would rule Hong Kong?
Britain takes the initiative and first proposes that China reclaim the sovereignty of Hong Kong, but that the British administration be allowed to continue in the territory. Deng Xiaoping firmly rejects this, making clear that China seeks the total return of the colony and that any colonial presence would not be tolerated. Deadlocks and obstructions in the tense negotiations continued- something that the people of Hong Kong do not fail to notice. The total uncertainty over the situation causes bank runs across the territory and the Hang Seng Index plummets to a historic low. Governor Edward Youde and the Executive Council in response seek to allay the chaos and vote in a massive stimulus bill to stabilize the deteriorating markets, the most comprehensive in the city's history to date. To support the colonial administration, Prime Minister Thatcher pledges in a session of Parliament to unwaveringly uphold Britain's obligations to the people of Hong Kong. The PRC also responds, assuring investors that Hong Kong's 'inevitable return' will not affect their standing and that it would be business as usual and accuses Britain of causing the financial ruin of the territory.
During another round of negotiations, Deng takes the offensive and bluntly threatens Thatcher an invasion of Hong Kong, and demolish any vestige of British rule. Not taking this aggression lightly, Thatcher responds that such an act will expose China's 'true nature' to the world and the meeting ends in discord. Panic further erupts in Hong Kong Island, as the Royal Hong Kong Police struggle to contain the chaos in the city. Meanwhile, the Central Committee of the Chinese Communist Party convenes in a secret meeting to discuss a planned invasion of Hong Kong. Similarly, a meeting of the Privy Council takes place which discusses a planned defense of the territory. It seemed increasingly clear that the question of invasion was not an if, but a when?
Though unsettling Governor Youde, Thatcher orders Hong Kong's garrison to be considerably reinforced while HMS Newcastle docks in Victoria Harbor and plans to sell HMS Antrim are scrapped. British forces in Brunei are put on alert and plans are made to send HMS Illustrious to reinforce a potential invasion. In the UN, ambassadors Sir John Thomson and Ling Qing fiercely battle it out on the diplomatic stage as countries from the Third World sympathize with China's 'decolonization struggle' while the Commonwealth Realms stay loyal to their 'mother country' and support Hong Kong's perceived desire to remain British. Resolutions in the Security Council are vetoed by the opposing side. The United States remains keen observers, contemplating whether a British defense is viable and whether to bolster the 'special relationship' it has with the UK.
Things come to a head in June 1983, when Prime Minister Thatcher announces a referendum in September, allowing Hong Kong to 'determine' whether it desires to remain under British sovereignty or otherwise. This infuriates the Chinese who denounce the plot as a ploy. As the date nears, pro-democracy and pro-Beijing voices viciously fight to persuade Hong Kongers to support their sides and China becomes more inclined to invade. A tense shooting across the border which injures five Chinese and British guards only intensifies the looming prospect.
In a final bid to recover negotiations between the two, a group of prominent Hong Kongers proposes to mediate a new round in the hopes that tensions de-escalate and some stability can be provided. However, like the preceding meetings, discussions once again end up nowhere and both countries consider any diplomacy to be futile
With less than three days before the deciding referendum takes place, China masses hundreds of Type 59 tanks less than 1km from the border in a show of force to intimidate Britain to back down. British guards watch carefully, waiting for any move by the Chinese with each side wondering whether they really would be going to war...
(Happy to hear feedback on this- if reception is good then I am happy to post part two)
submitted by Fordius25 to stories [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 19:20 Fordius25 The Bloody Pearl Of The Orient: What if China went to war with the UK over Hong Kong? (PART 1)

The Bloody Pearl Of The Orient: What if China went to war with the UK over Hong Kong? (PART 1)
So disclaimer: I am partially gonna rely on a narrative set by Wargame: Red Dragon's Pearl Of The Orient campaign which focuses on a Chinese invasion of Hong Kong and the UK's defense of the colony. I will use some aspects of the story, whilst fleshing out the narrative in a broader context. Also first time here :)

( Map created by the Central Intelligence Agency of US Government of British Hong Kong)

British Hong Kong/ 香港


1982-1983: Official negotiations between the People's Republic of China and Great Britain begin over the question of the future status of the Crown Colony of Hong Kong, as the lease on the New Territories nears its end in 1997. One of the last colonial territories in East Asia, Hong Kong had risen from the ashes of Japanese occupation in WWII and was thriving as a regional economic and manufacturing powerhouse. While tensions still lingered in the colony following the war: by the 1980s, British administration and law became generally accepted amongst the populace and Hong Kong remained a land of opportunity and prosperity as one of the four Asian Tigers.
For China, Hong Kong was a sore reminder of its 'century of humiliation' and the legacy of the 'unequal treaties' it had been coerced to sign. It was imperative for the country to reunify its former territories and correct the injustice that was the colonial rule by Britain and reclaim the territory. For Britain however, Hong Kong became an adopted region of the mother country, one which had prospered under British rule and one whose denizens associated strongly with British culture. The question in the minds of both sides was who would rule Hong Kong?
Britain takes the initiative and first proposes that China reclaim the sovereignty of Hong Kong, but that the British administration be allowed to continue in the territory. Deng Xiaoping firmly rejects this, making clear that China seeks the total return of the colony and that any colonial presence would not be tolerated. Deadlocks and obstructions in the tense negotiations continued- something that the people of Hong Kong do not fail to notice. The total uncertainty over the situation causes bank runs across the territory and the Hang Seng Index plummets to a historic low. Governor Edward Youde and the Executive Council in response seek to allay the chaos and vote in a massive stimulus bill to stabilize the deteriorating markets, the most comprehensive in the city's history to date. To support the colonial administration, Prime Minister Thatcher pledges in a session of Parliament to unwaveringly uphold Britain's obligations to the people of Hong Kong. The PRC also responds, assuring investors that Hong Kong's 'inevitable return' will not affect their standing and that it would be business as usual and accuses Britain of causing the financial ruin of the territory.
During another round of negotiations, Deng takes the offensive and bluntly threatens Thatcher an invasion of Hong Kong, and demolish any vestige of British rule. Not taking this aggression lightly, Thatcher responds that such an act will expose China's 'true nature' to the world and the meeting ends in discord. Panic further erupts in Hong Kong Island, as the Royal Hong Kong Police struggle to contain the chaos in the city. Meanwhile, the Central Committee of the Chinese Communist Party convenes in a secret meeting to discuss a planned invasion of Hong Kong. Similarly, a meeting of the Privy Council takes place which discusses a planned defense of the territory. It seemed increasingly clear that the question of invasion was not an if, but a when?
Though unsettling Governor Youde, Thatcher orders Hong Kong's garrison to be considerably reinforced while HMS Newcastle docks in Victoria Harbor and plans to sell HMS Antrim are scrapped. British forces in Brunei are put on alert and plans are made to send HMS Illustrious to reinforce a potential invasion. In the UN, ambassadors Sir John Thomson and Ling Qing fiercely battle it out on the diplomatic stage as countries from the Third World sympathize with China's 'decolonization struggle' while the Commonwealth Realms stay loyal to their 'mother country' and support Hong Kong's perceived view to remain British. Resolutions in the Security Council are vetoed by the opposing side. The United States remains keen observers, contemplating whether a British defense is viable and whether to bolster the 'special relationship' it has with the UK.
Things come to a head in June 1983, when Prime Minister Thatcher announces a referendum in September, allowing Hong Kong to 'determine' whether it desires to remain under British sovereignty or otherwise. This infuriates the Chinese who denounce the plot as a ploy. As the date nears, pro-democracy and pro-Beijing voices viciously fight to persuade Hong Kongers to support their sides and China becomes more inclined to invade. A tense shooting across the border which injures five Chinese and British guards only intensifies the looming prospect.
In a final bid to recover negotiations between the two, a group of prominent Hong Kongers proposes to mediate a new round in the hopes that tensions de-escalate and some stability can be provided. However, like the preceding meetings, discussions once again end up nowhere and both countries consider any diplomacy to be futile
With less than three days before the deciding referendum takes place, China masses hundreds of Type 59 tanks less than 1km from the border in a show of force to intimidate Britain to back down. British guards watch carefully, waiting for any move by the Chinese with each side wondering whether they really would be going to war...

(Happy to hear feedback on this- if reception is good then I am happy to post part two)
submitted by Fordius25 to AlternateHistory [link] [comments]


2020.09.16 01:39 Sobisonator [MOD] Imperatrix: Victoria - Dev Diary 2 - Unit models

https://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/threads/mod-imperatrix-victoria.1410441/post-26917922

Today we will be previewing the new unit models made specially for Imperatrix: Victoria, bringing to life the 19th century landscape. These were contributed by MrAdrianPl and xangelo, prolific 3D modelers in the modding community - you may know them from a number of stunning unit packs for EU4.
Our aim is to introduce unit models that will change over time as nations develop their military technology. This can be achieved by changing the graphical culture of a country based on its technology level, which can also correspond to the evolving fashion sense of its characters!
Over time, we will introduce more unit models for individual culture groups, diversifying the appearnce of the world's armies. For now, we have a number of major groups which share unit models.
Western
The Western unit model is shared by European countries and their colonial dependencies. You will see these troops all over the world, although we will probably be adding new unique models for certain cultures down the road.
https://forumcontent.paradoxplaza.com/public/614287/1600209298580.png
The uniform is coloured based on the country's two primary colours. Below we see a British redcoat standing guard over London.
https://forumcontent.paradoxplaza.com/public/614285/1600209129453.png
Middle Eastern
The Middle Eastern unit model is used across North Africa to Afghanistan, and sports a uniform somewhere between the Ottoman infantryman's garb and that of a Persian regular. The headgear is modeled after that of the Persian infantry, serving also as a fez for other armies which used similar, but smaller hats. This uniform sports dynamically-coloured trousers and waistcoat.
https://forumcontent.paradoxplaza.com/public/614290/1600209815936.png
Above: an Otoman soldiuer in historical colours.
Below: Middle Eastern armies dotted around various minor nations. Can you tell where this is? (There's a pretty obvious clue in the image)
https://forumcontent.paradoxplaza.com/public/614286/1600209204731.png
West African
The gunpowder armies of West Africa are modelled after the garb of the Fulani armies around this time, with head wrappings and flowing wrappings.
https://forumcontent.paradoxplaza.com/public/614291/1600209892471.png
East Asian
The East Asian unit model is a generic model made to suit armies from Lhasa to Bangkok to Tokyo, and as such is a hybrid of different styles.
Eventually, we aim to have more culture-specific uniforms to differentiate the uniforms of Asian armies.
The armies of the Japanese Daimyos and Shogunate produce a striking image!
https://forumcontent.paradoxplaza.com/public/614314/1600212173005.png
Below, Qing troops stand by the Chinese coast in their traditional blue uniforms.
https://forumcontent.paradoxplaza.com/public/614310/1600211706029.png
Arabian
The Arabian units complement the Middle Eastern gfx with outfits more suited to desert warfare, featuring headwrappings and lighter clothing.
https://forumcontent.paradoxplaza.com/public/614312/1600211800057.png
A lot of work goes into making these models, so we are especially grateful for the contributions made to our 3D repertoire. If you are a 3D modeler and you would like to take part in making this mod, let us know: we are looking for character clothing and hair modelers particularly!
A huge thanks again to all our contributors who have helped so much with localisation and demographic data. We are speeding along and have made amazing progress so far. I can't wait to show off our population density map once it is complete.
Finally, once again another teaser of two countries which are playable at the start date. The second one is especially hard to guess, but it's one you know in another form!
Mystery flag #1
https://forumcontent.paradoxplaza.com/public/614316/1600212465974.png
Mystery flag #2
https://forumcontent.paradoxplaza.com/public/614317/1600212484487.png
In the next dev diary we will go into more depth on our historical work on a particular part of the world...
submitted by Sobisonator to paradoxplaza [link] [comments]


2020.09.16 01:38 Sobisonator Imperatrix: Victoria - Dev Diary 2 - unit models

https://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/threads/mod-imperatrix-victoria.1410441/post-26917922

Today we will be previewing the new unit models made specially for Imperatrix: Victoria, bringing to life the 19th century landscape. These were contributed by MrAdrianPl and xangelo, prolific 3D modelers in the modding community - you may know them from a number of stunning unit packs for EU4.
Our aim is to introduce unit models that will change over time as nations develop their military technology. This can be achieved by changing the graphical culture of a country based on its technology level, which can also correspond to the evolving fashion sense of its characters!
Over time, we will introduce more unit models for individual culture groups, diversifying the appearnce of the world's armies. For now, we have a number of major groups which share unit models.
Western
The Western unit model is shared by European countries and their colonial dependencies. You will see these troops all over the world, although we will probably be adding new unique models for certain cultures down the road.
https://forumcontent.paradoxplaza.com/public/614287/1600209298580.png
The uniform is coloured based on the country's two primary colours. Below we see a British redcoat standing guard over London.
https://forumcontent.paradoxplaza.com/public/614285/1600209129453.png
Middle Eastern
The Middle Eastern unit model is used across North Africa to Afghanistan, and sports a uniform somewhere between the Ottoman infantryman's garb and that of a Persian regular. The headgear is modeled after that of the Persian infantry, serving also as a fez for other armies which used similar, but smaller hats. This uniform sports dynamically-coloured trousers and waistcoat.
https://forumcontent.paradoxplaza.com/public/614290/1600209815936.png
Above: an Otoman soldiuer in historical colours.
Below: Middle Eastern armies dotted around various minor nations. Can you tell where this is? (There's a pretty obvious clue in the image)
https://forumcontent.paradoxplaza.com/public/614286/1600209204731.png
West African
The gunpowder armies of West Africa are modelled after the garb of the Fulani armies around this time, with head wrappings and flowing wrappings.
https://forumcontent.paradoxplaza.com/public/614291/1600209892471.png
East Asian
The East Asian unit model is a generic model made to suit armies from Lhasa to Bangkok to Tokyo, and as such is a hybrid of different styles.
Eventually, we aim to have more culture-specific uniforms to differentiate the uniforms of Asian armies.
The armies of the Japanese Daimyos and Shogunate produce a striking image!
https://forumcontent.paradoxplaza.com/public/614314/1600212173005.png
Below, Qing troops stand by the Chinese coast in their traditional blue uniforms.
https://forumcontent.paradoxplaza.com/public/614310/1600211706029.png
Arabian
The Arabian units complement the Middle Eastern gfx with outfits more suited to desert warfare, featuring headwrappings and lighter clothing.
https://forumcontent.paradoxplaza.com/public/614312/1600211800057.png
A lot of work goes into making these models, so we are especially grateful for the contributions made to our 3D repertoire. If you are a 3D modeler and you would like to take part in making this mod, let us know: we are looking for character clothing and hair modelers particularly!
A huge thanks again to all our contributors who have helped so much with localisation and demographic data. We are speeding along and have made amazing progress so far. I can't wait to show off our population density map once it is complete.
Finally, once again another teaser of two countries which are playable at the start date. The second one is especially hard to guess, but it's one you know in another form!
Mystery flag #1
https://forumcontent.paradoxplaza.com/public/614316/1600212465974.png
Mystery flag #2
https://forumcontent.paradoxplaza.com/public/614317/1600212484487.png
In the next dev diary we will go into more depth on our historical work on a particular part of the world...
submitted by Sobisonator to Imperator [link] [comments]


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2020.09.03 09:01 autotldr Australia's economy goes down under with record, virus-led slump

This is the best tl;dr I could make, original reduced by 73%. (I'm a bot)
Australia weathered three severe regional and global downturns over the last 30 years, but even its apparently bulletproof economy has succumbed to the devastation caused by the coronavirus pandemic, figures released on Wednesday showed.
Australia's economy had managed to continue growing during the 1998 Asian financial crisis, the dot-com bust of 2000-2001 and the 2008-2009 global financial crisis, helped by a combination of strong demand by China for raw materials such as coal and iron ore, and a seemingly insatiable domestic appetite for housing and consumer goods.
Australia has recorded almost 26,000 cases in total and 663 deaths from the virus to date, according to US-based Johns Hopkins University, far fewer than many other developed countries.
"Looking ahead, output will continue to fall in Victoria in as restrictions on activity were tightened further in the wake of its second wave. By contrast, activity elsewhere will rebound," Marcel Thieliant, senior Australia and New Zealand economist at research firm Capital Economics said in a note sent to Al Jazeera.
The country's central bank, the Reserve Bank of Australia, estimates the economy will shrink by 6 percent over the whole of 2020.
"There is a good chance that Australia ends up in the 'less negative' half of the table as far as the cumulative loss to GDP since goes, a little ahead of Japan, but behind North Asian economies, China, Korea and Taiwan," Carnell said in a note sent to Al Jazeera.
Summary Source FAQ Feedback Top keywords: Australia#1 Victoria#2 percent#3 quarter#4 fall#5
Post found in /worldnews.
NOTICE: This thread is for discussing the submission topic. Please do not discuss the concept of the autotldr bot here.
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2020.09.01 16:30 IndieheadsAOTY Album of the Year 2014 #1: Joyce Manor - Never Hungover Again

Album of the Year 2014 #1: Joyce Manor - Never Hungover Again
Hello everyone and welcome to Album of the Year 2014, a retrospective, daily write-up series for the month of September where the users of indieheads go in-depth on their favorite albums released six years ago. Why 2014 you might ask? Well, we wanted to slowly go back and cover the years we missed since the series started in 2015, and it just so happens that the year before 2015 was 2014. Very odd. Nevertheless, it’s u/ReconEG here as I’ll be looking at Joyce Manor’s landmark third album, Never Hungover Again.
July 22, 2014 — Epitaph
Listen:
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Background
Joyce Manor are an indie rock/pop-punk band hailing from Torrance, California, located in the South Bay (southwestern) region of Los Angeles County, California. Conceived in a Disneyland parking lot, Joyce Manor originally started out as an acoustic duo between lead singeguitarist Barry Johnson and lead guitarist Chase Knobbes in 2008 before the band soon picked up Matt Ebert as their bassist and Kurt Walcher as their drummer for the first core lineup of the band we know today.
After releasing their debut album, Joyce Manor, in 2011 to critical acclaim following a lengthy amount of hype due to their live shows + early singles, Johnson was at an impasse. With the self-titled, Johnson had a plethora of songs he wrote to choose from when it came time to record that album, but in 2012 after Asian Man Records approached the band about putting out an album on their label, Johnson and the band quickly rushed into the studio with not a lot comparatively. The result? Of All Things I Will Soon Grow Tired, a hot mess of a record that splices together the catchy and hard-hitting pop punk they became initially known for, lo-fi demos that range from the acoustic to GarageBand electronics, and a cover of the Buggles “Video Killed the Radio Star” that is also one of the greatest cover songs ever made.
In an interview with Kerrang last year breaking down every Joyce Manor album, Johnson said two of the following things:
“I just do not know what I’m doing,” the frontman admits. “I’m being pulled in all kinds of different directions. It sounds like I’m having an identity crisis on that record, and I was.” With a smirk, he adds, “I think we could’ve used a psychologist there to help us through that.”
“It was like we took a bad record, tore it up, and glued it together with demos and stuff,” Barry says, comparing it to a collage. “I don’t hate it, but I just think it sounds like a confused guy, because it was made by a confused guy.”
After Of All Things, Johnson felt Joyce Manor needed a fresh start. While he was in the early stages of writing, Knobbes was returning home from Santa Cruz while staying at his girlfriend’s place for a bit, who went to college in the area. “While she was in school all day, he would just smoke weed and play guitar,” said Johnson in that previously mentioned Kerrang interview. “And he got way better at guitar by doing that.” So, by combining Chase’s guitar parts and Barry’s songs, the band knew they had something special even before they started recording.
Recorded over the course of a week with producer Joe Reinhart, Johnson stated in his Reddit AMA earlier this year that it was the most fun Joyce Manor album to make, saying “It was just a week long party. It got stressful towards the end when stuff wasn’t coming together right and I was struggling to sing well (I had been partying for a week straight lol) but I think you can hear how much fun we are having playing and how excited we are about the songs on that album.” Released on legendary punk label Epitaph on July 22, 2014, the album was released to critical acclaim, later becoming one of the most defining albums in the most recent emo revival and the torch bearer for pop/emo-punk albums to come.
Review by ReconEG
For an album I’ve listened to nonstop for the past year, I still have trouble finding the words to about Never Hungover Again. Almost everything I write for this series is a challenge in some way or another, digging deep down to try to articulate what’s bouncing around in my head when listening to music. If this is what it feels like to write about music, I can’t imagine what it feels like trying to write music itself. It’s something frontman Barry Johnson has struggled with for most of his career, as, to put it simply, he doesn’t know how to write songs, or at the very least, didn’t know how to for a while. I’ll just let this bit from SPIN’s feature on Joyce Manor in 2016 speak on this:
Turns out, Joyce songs have been historically short not out of principle, but necessity, since Johnson simply didn’t have any other way to write. “I think it truly [came] from my lack of knowledge of arranging,” the singer says of his previous tendency to write timeout-length rock songs. “I don’t have some ethos about it. If the song is great for six minutes, then that’s great.” He credits [Rob] Schnapf with supplying him the tools to stretch his songs beyond the two-minute mark. “I didn’t know that, like, if you do two verses and then a chorus then a verse then a chorus, you can get more choruses out of the song, ‘cause you delayed the first chorus. I didn’t know that trick.”
And yet, despite this lack of knowledge at arranging, Johnson has proven to be one of the great songwriters of his generation, as he’s able to articulate these very intense memories and moments of his life into songs that can speak to just about anyone. The lyrics of Never Hungover Again are hyper-specific at time & occasionally hard to grasp but yet, they just fucking hit you right in the heart. Above all else though, these songs are just fun to listen to. It’s a special quality that maybe only a few artists/bands have had over the decades from Robert Smith, the Smiths, early Weezer, and maybe the occasional blink-182 song.
I came to this album pretty late though, only in early 2019 by chance seemingly when I was coming off of the last album I wrote about for this series, Lomelda’s M For Empathy (Both of these albums have much more in common than you think! And no I will not expand on this). While I’m going to imagine a lot of these write-ups coming up this month are going to be about albums people loved/listened to at the time, this one is going to be different. Or is it though? As despite this album coming out right when indieheads was beginning to take off, there were no posts about it. In fact, it wasn’t really until 2016 maybe that pop-punk/emo was finally beginning to have their moment on the subreddit, as artists like Jeff Rosenstock and eventually the Hotelier made me realize oh hey, this pop-punk and emo stuff ain’t that bad!
For a while, I resisted pop-punk. Even in my youth, the farthest I’d go down the pop-punk/emo road was probably My Chemical Romance, as most of the pop-punk bands I’d heard at the time were lame to me. I was too busy listening to Breaking Benjamin to give that blink-182 shit a chance. And here’s the thing: even after eventually falling in love with Jeff Rosenstock’s WORRY. in 2016, it still took me some time to finally embrace pop-punk. I literally saw Joyce Manor in 2017 and had so much fun yet I was still on the fence about liking this genre! And for what? Because I thought I would look lame or something? God, I was so dumb.
This isn’t to say that I’m a big pop-punk fanatic though, as I’m still hesitant about much of the genre. However, me getting into Never Hungover Again last year is the moment where this genre truly clicked for me. And with the extra flavors of more power pop and indie rock influences? Baby, you got the perfect stew of quintessential rock music. I mean for God’s sake, “Christmas Card” is the god damn opener of this album, okay! It truly does not get better than this! But it almost couldn’t have been. On Twitter, Ian Cohen revealed that Joyce Manor originally planned for “Christmas Card” to be the outro, until Epitaph boss Brett Gurewitz stepped in and told them to do the opposite. Either he, or the band in reaction to this decision decided to rework the entire sequence of the album as soon after in a reply to Cohen, they revealed the original tracklist which is just… so fucked up.
Like, the album was originally going to be titled In the Army Now and “In the Army Now” was gonna intro the album? I’ll get to it in a bit how it might be my favorite on the album because it’s the ideal deep cut, but it’s exactly that: a deep cut. Additionally, blowing your load early and sticking “Catalina Fight Song” on side A? “Falling in Love Again” on side B? If I end up talking about this album mostly in its tracklist order, could you really blame me, knowing how it could have ended up? But forreal, whoever fixed the tracklisting on this album whether that’d be the band, Brett, or someone else: fucking thank you. Instead of putting together a pretty solid pop-punk/emo/power pop album, you instead put together the most ideal fusion of those genres ever put to wax.
Okay, enough preamble, let’s just get fucking into it. “Christmas Card” is once again, a hell of a god damn opener. It is physically impossible for me to not scream along to the song’s opening lyrics either literally or internally, it just reverbates around in my car or in my skull. A lot of Never Hungover Again is about yearning, and it’s maybe on this song where Barry yearns the hardest. And not only is it about yearning, it’s about aging and yearning. About reaching the point where your body can no longer keep up with you like it used to. I mean, is “your body's saying isn't that enough / your brain is going i don't give a fuck” not the most apt line ever written about aging out of your 20’s?
The ideal album intro is the thesis of the entire record. Every theme going forward should be introduced or hinted at in here. Never Hungover Again is about a lot of things but what is it mostly about? As I mentioned, yearning. 'Lotta yearning on this album. Also as I said, the difficulties of growing up. As Barry Johnson said, and I repeat, “your body's saying isn't that enough / your brain is going i don't give a fuck.” But what this album is most importantly about is the hyper-specific moments in your life that affect everything. The unique times and people you meet along the way that change the trajectory of everything. I don’t think I’ve ever heard something along the lines of “You treat it like a game of skill / But it’s more like a work of art / Or money in a Christmas card” before this album, but I know exactly what it means. Love isn’t some sort of game like chess, it’s a piece of art you need to work at and cherish. But sometimes love is just about all the small things, true care truth brings. Sometimes it’s money in a christmas card and other times it’s roses by the stairs, surprises let me know she cares.
But if you want to talk about yearning? And I mean real yearning, it doesn’t get better than “Falling in Love Again.” There’s a reason this is their second most popular song on Spotify, as it’s about the pitfalls of falling in love in the death of sincerity in your young adulthood. I can’t tell you when I last looked at a high school yearbook but when I did, I definitely felt like I needed a long amount of time to collect myself and stop thinking about every single mistake I made from the ages of 15 to 18. The again in this song signifies that this isn’t the first time Johnson has had these mental blocks when beginning to see somebody, and it sure as hell won’t be the last as the song drifts off into an echoey cave of “Then come down to collect it.”
But just as you think this album might be Joyce Manor fully pulling away from their roots once you get into “End of the Summer” (a great song but sadly I have to have some restraint as this review is already going to be far too long), you get into the quartet of bangers: “Victoria”, “Schley”, “Heart Tattoo” and “The Jerk.” All songs that feature some of the best guitar lines Chase Knobbes has ever wrote, all songs that really show off Barry’s lyrical skills spinning these hyper-specific moments into ever relatable songs, and all songs that highlight the chemistry the rhythm section has here as Matt Ebert is a seriously underrated bassist and Kurt Walcher still might be the best drummer they’ve ever had (though, they’ve never had a bad drummer, as both Pat Ware and Jeff Enzor are tremendous).
“Heart Tattoo” was the first Joyce Manor song I ever heard and was always my short song to go to when I worked in college radio and I needed something to get me into the next hour at the perfect time. I have never been in the situation that Johnson was in where I had to take off my screen door to get into my house, but I sure as hell have been on some shitty dates where there’s no spark which just makes Johnson’s misadventures in carpenting add a ton to “Victoria.” “Schley” features some of the best lines on the album with “Like old friends who never ask ‘How can you be happy when you wear all black?’ / And they care because they wanna,” “Like your name, the way it looks carved into the cover of a telephone book / I don't care, I'm never gonna / It sounds better when you're high on marijuana / Yeah right, in my head / Yeah right, am I right in my head?” and “It feels weird like a really weird movie” which is just the perfect clunky line along with Ebert’s sick ass bass work in the beginning verse of this song. And then “The Jerk” which honestly I don’t have much words about other than to say it’s the greatest song of all time like every other song on Never Hungover Again.
In Barry Johnson’s AMA earlier this year, u/logansn0w asked if he had a favorite misheard lyric in which Barry replied “I have a least favorite misheard lyric.” Of course, he’s talking about the famous opening line to “Catalina Fight Song,” of which Barry is singing “Sunken city by the ocean” but because of the song’s fast pace and his Southern California drawl, many have misheard it as “Suck a titty by the ocean.” While Barry implies that this is his least favorite misheard lyric, he absolutely has to have sung this instead at some shows, there’s no way he hasn’t. I do wish sometimes that the song wasn’t overshadowed though by it’s famous misheard lyric as it’s one of the biggest rippers in their discography, surviving the tough balancing act between their rabid origins and current, cleaner sound. There’s also some incredibly vivid imagery here about teenage debauchery and depression along with a line about Target that hurt my feelings very much. I think you should apologize, Barry Johnson.
Oh and hey remember when I said “In the Army Now” might be my favorite song on the album? Erase that shred of doubt because it absolutely is the best on the album. Featuring some of the most biting words and vivid imagery Johnson has ever put to sing, this song really is just a masterpiece. Whether or not the army in this song is literal or metaphorical, it doesn’t matter. The pain you can feel in Johnson’s voice as he reminisces about these past times with his former love just breaks you to your core. While the Smiths influence on this album is apparent all over, it really comes together the best here as there’s no weird sidebar about being with your farmyard friends or whatever: this is true-blooded melodrama as lines like “Where were you when you felt left out? / It's all shit for families anyway,” “I wanna kiss you through your hockey mask” and” I always knew you'd leave me someday / I always knew you'd have to go / I always knew you'd join the army” just pierce your soul like nowhere else on the album. While yearning and longing are essentially the same thing, they take up different spaces in my mind and if you have to describe any song as about longing on this album, it’s “In the Army Now.”
While the tetralogy in the album’s middle part are largely about the awkward times of your mid-20s, the album’s last three songs seem to be largely looking back to your teenage years, where you initially made that promise to never get hungover again as the album’s namesake. All these songs serve as different kinds of send offs to different kinds of people, some you were close to, some that betrayed you, and some you never were and never wish to be close with ever again, the latter being the subject(s) of “Heated Swimming Pool” featuring a particularly honest and brutal line in “I wish you would have died in high school / So you could be somebody's idol.” But these are all thoughts that stayed inside of Johnson’s head, never exiting his mouth as he sat next to you by the heated swimming pool, a sign of class he’ll never be able to reach but maybe, just maybe he can fake it in front of your friend’s going off to the Ivy League.
There’s a line in the new Microphones album, Microphones in 2020 that’s particularly stuck with me in regards to this song. “We'd go up on the roof at night and actually contemplate the moon / My friends and I just trying to blow each others' minds / Just lying there gazing, young and ridiculous / And we meant it, our eyes watering.” Basically, take this line, dumb it down, add two or three specific Southern California references, and then a weird diatribe about a girl and you’ve got what Never Hungover Again is all about. In what should be the last hoorah before true adulthood, it instead becomes a terrible evening where you reminisce over the worst moments of your life as you swear the next morning you’re never gonna drink again, or not like that at least. And before you even realize, you stop breaking your loose promises once and for all.
And that’s really the story of Joyce Manor after this album. While they aren’t the hard partiers they used to be, you can tell they’re at peace, much more so than before. Even if they’re much more thoughtful about their work today (for better or worse), it’s nice to see them age gracefully. However, there’s always going to be a part of me that misses this side of Joyce Manor, right when they were beginning to hit their stride from a technical perspective while still happily unaware of pop song structures but somehow putting together some of the catchiest and hook-filled songs ever committed to record. I’ve forgotten to mention this throughout this review but holy shit this album is filled to the brim with hooks. I could probably hum most of this album by memory which can only be blamed so much on its length.
Never Hungover Again finally clicked with me at a time where for the first time in a while, I felt some true happiness. Just as Barry Johnson was finally putting away the past once and for all, it felt like I was too at the same time. While I still have a couple of more years left in my 20’s to really fuck things up, I think living in the midst of a global pandemic & a growing recession has really showed me that oh yeah I’m growing up way sooner than I expected and you know what? I’m kind of relieved. Maybe it’s being in a really happy & healthy relationship or knowing what I’m doing once I get out of school, but the idea of Never Hungover Again isn’t just meant in a literal sense. When Mark Hoppus sang “I guess this is growing up” he had no idea what the fuck he was talking about because he would go on to write “I Really Wish I Hated You” in his 40s. However when Barry Johnson sings about the ideas that encompass what being never hungover again truly means, there’s much more sincerity and honesty there.
So, whether you consider this the peak of the most recent emo revival, a great pop-punk record, or just another WeezeSmiths rip-off, Never Hungover Again truly feels like everything that has come before in the history of punk, and setting the stage for what has come after. Or it’s just an album about the love/hate relationship Barry Johnson has with the city of Torrance, California and its current/former residents. Whatever your cup of tea is.
Favorite Lyrics
Looking for the keys to the truck
Your body's saying isn't that enough?
Your brain is going I don't give a fuck
  • “Christmas Card”
It's too sad
Blue marker on a paper bag
You could wear it like a mask
You could be your own dad
  • “End of the Summer”
So watch out, you're in danger
You'd never know it but you know that it's possible
Like old friends who never ask "How can you be happy when you wear all black?"
And they care because they wanna
It feels weird like a really weird movie
All night in my head
All night, in my head
  • “Schley”
I wanna see what's going on
Over your shoulder but it all goes wrong
Don't say goodbye say you're not sure
Anything could ever come between the two of us
I would say the same thing
  • “The Jerk”
Where were you when you felt left out?
It's all shit for families anyway
Look good in the uniform
Look good holding a gun
Furniture store
Shards of glass
I wanna kiss you through your hockey mask
Cause we're in the army now
  • “In the Army Now”
Talking Points
  • What do you think of Never Hungover Again?
  • How well do you think it’s held up over the years? I feel like most pop-punk/pop-punk-adjacent albums end up aging poorly, yet this album doesn’t feel like it’ll be that way, but what do you think?
  • Is Barry Johnson a genius, a himbo, or both?
  • Lyrically, do you think my comparisons to the Smiths, Weezer, and Robert Smith are apt or am I full of shit?
  • What do you think of Barry’s list of underrated Disneyland rides?
  • And finally, where does Never Hungover Again rank in your 2014 lists?
Thank you all for getting this far and reading the first entry in our Album of the Year 2014 series! Swing back tomorrow as my fellow Indieheads Podcast castmate and AOTD tournament runner American_Soviet will be covering Grouper’s dark ambient masterpiece, Ruins. Their write-up last year for Purple Mountains was fantastic and I’m excited to see how they tackle their choice for tomorrow. And also, the schedule for the rest of the series will be posted below in the comments.
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2020.08.27 03:16 Stoaticor NSW records 9 new local cases

New cases reported in the last 24 hours


More information

Three of the new cases attended City Tattersalls Club gym, bringing to eight the total number of cases linked to the Sydney CBD cluster. Anyone who attended City Tattersalls gym between 8am to 2pm on 19, 21 or 23 August is a close contact and must get tested for COVID-19 and isolate at home for 14 days. Other members of City Tattersalls should get tested if they have even the mildest symptoms.
Cases have attended the following locations while infectious.
NSW Health is contacting all known attendees of the Hunters Hill Bowling Club indoor dining room on 23 August from 12pm to 2pm to advise they are close contacts of a case and must immediately get tested and self-isolate for 14 days, and remain isolated for the entire period, even if the test result is negative. People who attended other areas of the club are considered close contacts and must monitor for symptoms and get tested if they develop.
People who attended the following locations are considered casual contacts and must monitor for symptoms and if they develop, get tested right away and isolate:

NSW Health public health alerts in the last 14 days

Date published Title
27/08 Public health alert
26/08 Royal Hospital for Women at Randwick, City Tattersalls, Virgin Gym Zetland, bus routes in Blacktown, Rouse Hill and Mt Druitt
25/08 City Tattersalls Fitness Centre
22/08 Second hotel security guard tests positive
17/08 Sydney Market Flemington

Cases to date

Last 24 hours TOTAL
Confirmed cases +9 3,817
Active (NSW Gov) -11 176
Recovered N/A N/A
Deaths +0 54
Tests conducted +30,173 2,082,715
Treated by NSW Health +2 74
Hospitalised 14
ICU -1 6
Ventilated +0 4
ECMO +0 0

Sources of confirmed cases

Last 24 hours This week TOTAL
Locally - Known +9 23 1,275
Locally - Unknown +0 7 388 (-2)
Interstate +0 0 89
Overseas +0 6 2,065
Under investigation +0 0 0

Clusters in the last 14 days

Cluster Last 24 hours TOTAL Reported
Our Lady of Mercy School, Parramatta - 7 Aug: 25, 17, 15, 12, 11, 9
Thai Rock Restaurant Potts Point and linked clusters - 38 Aug: 23, 15, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. July: 31, 30, 29, 28
July funeral events in the Bankstown area - 76 Aug: 22, 20, 18, 17, 15, 14, 12, 8, 6, 4, 3, 2, 1. July: 31, 30, 29, 28, 27, 26
Tangara School, Cherrybrook - 26 Aug: 22, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8
Chopstix Asian Cuisine, Smithfield RSL - 5 Aug: 17
Dooley’s Lidcombe Catholic Club - 2 Aug: 14

Affected educational institutions in the last 14 days

School Suburb LGA Last 24 hours TOTAL Reported
Riverstone High School Riverstone Blacktown +1 1 Aug: 26
Wyndham College Quakers Hill Blacktown +1 1 Aug: 26
Schofields Public School Schofields Blacktown +0 0 Aug: 27
Sydney Girls High School Surry Hills Sydney - 1 Aug: 17
St Vincent's College Potts Point Sydney - 1 Aug: 14

Latest COVID-19 case locations in NSW - as of 27/08

Increased testing and surveillance Self-isolate and get tested immediately Monitor for symptoms
Campbelltown LGA (Added) - Hunters Hill: Hunters Hill Bowling Club (indoor dining room) Auburn: Ramadan Pharmacy
Canterbury-Bankstown LGA Sydney: City Tattersalls Fitness Centre (Added) - Balgowlah: Fitness First Balgowlah
Eastern part of City of Sydney LGA Zetland: Virgin Gym Burwood: Service NSW
Fairfield LGA Burwood: Westfield Shopping Centre
Hornsby Shire LGA Cabramatta: Cabramatta Family Practice
The Hills LGA (Added) - Drummoyne: Destro’s Pharmacy
Liverpool LGA Fairfield West: Aldi
Parramatta LGA Glebe: Broadway Shopping Centre
Woollahra LGA Homebush West: Sydney Markets Flemington
(Added) - Hornsby: PRP Diagnostic Imaging
(Added) - Manly: 4 Pines Manly Brew Pub
Mount Druitt: Westfield Mount Druitt
Parramatta: Parramatta Local Court
Sydney: 300 George Street
(Added) - Sydney: Fitness First Bond Street
(Added) - Waitara: Magpies Waitara
(Added) - Willoughby: Harris Farm
Zetland: Virgin Gym

Locally acquired, source not identified - as of 27/08

NOTE: The data below is for confirmed COVID-19 cases only based on the location of the usual residence, not necessarily where the virus was contracted.
Reported Postcode - LGA
25/08 2762 - Blacktown (C)
25/08 Removed 2024 - Waverley (A) Removed
25/08 2762 - Blacktown (C)
25/08 2031 - Randwick (C)
25/08 2203 - Inner West (A)
21/08 2194 - Canterbury-Bankstown (A)
21/08 2168 - Liverpool (C)
20/08 2166 - Fairfield (C)
18/08 2177 - Fairfield (C)
18/08 2177 - Fairfield (C)
16/08 2752 - Wollondilly (A)
14/08 2160 - Cumberland (A)
13/08 2166 - Fairfield (C)


submitted by Stoaticor to CoronavirusDownunder [link] [comments]


2020.08.20 09:15 Cicero1982 Your Pre-Market Brief for 08/20/2020

Your Pre Market Brief for Thursday August 20th 2020

You can subscribe to the daily 4:00 AM Pre Market Brief on The Twitter Link Here . Alerts in the tweets will direct you to the daily 4:00 AM Pre Market Brief in this sub.
Morning Research and Trading Prep Tool Kit
The Ultimate Quick Resource For the Amateur Trader.
Published 3:15 AM EST / Updated as of 4:00 AM EST
-----------------------------------------------
Stock Futures:
Tuesday 08/19/2020 News and Markets Recap:
Thursday August 20th 2020 Economic Calendar (All times are Eastern)
JOBLESS CLAIMS TODAY!
News Heading into Thursday August 20th 2020
NOTE: PLEASE DO NOT YOLO THE VARIOUS TICKERS WITHOUT DOING RESEARCH. THE TIME STAMPS ON THE FOLLOWING ARTICLES MAY BE LATER THAN OTHERS ON THE WEB. THE CREATOR OF THIS THREAD COMPILED THE FOLLOWING IN A QUICK MANNER AND DOES NOT ATTEST TO THE VERACITY OF THE INFORMATION BELOW. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR VETTING YOUR OWN SOURCES AND DOING YOUR OWN DD.
Note: Seeking A url's and Reddit do not get along.
Upcoming Earnings:
COVID-19 Stats and News:
Macro Considerations:
Most Recent SEC Filings
Other
-----------------------------------------------
Morning Research and Trading Prep Tool Kit
Other Useful Resources:
The Ultimate Quick Resource For the Amateur Trader.
Subscribe to This Brief and the daily 4:00 AM Pre Market Brief on The Twitter Link Here . Alerts in the tweets will direct you to the daily brief in this sub
It is up to you to judge the accuracy and veracity of these headlines before trading.
submitted by Cicero1982 to pennystocks [link] [comments]


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submitted by porn_account0001 to u/porn_account0001 [link] [comments]


2020.08.19 03:11 Stoaticor NSW records 5 new local cases, 1 new interstate case, and, 1 new overseas case

New cases reported in the last 24 hours

5 are locally acquired:
2 travellers in hotel quarantine, 1 from overseas and 1 from Victoria.
 

Other information

A case has been confirmed since the reporting period, in a patient who attended Liverpool Hospital. Close contacts have been identified and advised to isolate for 14 days, get tested for COVID-19 and monitor for symptoms. Deep cleaning has occurred in areas where the outpatient received care and additional precautionary measures have been taken. This includes COVID-19 testing for staff who worked on the same wards the patient received care when they were infectious. Links to other cases are being investigated.
 

Cases to date

Last 24 hours TOTAL
Confirmed cases +7 3,777
Active (NSW Gov) -5 256
Recovered N/A N/A
Deaths +0 54
Tests conducted +19,414 1,876,936
Treated by NSW Health -7 115
Hospitalised +2 15
ICU +1 8
Ventilated +0 5
ECMO +0 0
 

Sources of confirmed cases

Last 24 hours This week TOTAL
Locally - Known +3 30 1,250
Locally - Unknown +1 7 380
Interstate +0 2 88
Overseas +2 12 2,057
Under investigation +1 2 2
 

Locally acquired - source not identified

NOTE: The data below is for confirmed COVID-19 cases only based on the location of the usual residence, not necessarily where the virus was contracted.
Reported Postcode - LGA
18/08 2153 - The Hills Shire (A)
18/08 2153 - The Hills Shire (A)
18/08 2177 - Fairfield (C)
18/08 2177 - Fairfield (C)
16/08 2752 - Wollondilly (A)
15/08 2144 - Cumberland (A)
14/08 2160 - Cumberland (A)
13/08 2166 - Fairfield (C)
13/08 2565 - Campbelltown (C)
11/08 2747 - Penrith (C)
10/08 2200 - Canterbury-Bankstown (A)
09/08 2150 - Parramatta (C)
05/08 2303 - Newcastle (C)
05/08 2042 - Sydney (C)
 

Active clusters

Cluster Last 24 hours TOTAL Reported
July funeral events in the Bankstown area - 73 Aug: 18, 17, 15, 14, 12, 8, 6, 4, 3, 2, 1. July: 31, 30, 29, ,28, 27, 26
Chopstix Asian Cuisine, Smithfield RSL - 5 Aug: 17
Our Lady of Mercy School, Parramatta - 6 Aug: 17, 15, 12, 11, 9
Tangara School, Cherrybrook - 25 Aug: 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8
Thai Rock Restaurant Potts Point - 37 Aug: 15, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. July: 31, 30, 29, 28
Dooley’s Lidcombe Catholic Club - 2 Aug: 14
Soldiers Club Batemans Bay - 11 Aug: 12, 11. July: 20
Thai Rock Restaurant Wetherill Park - 116 Aug: 12, 11, 8, 6, 5, 4, 1. July: 31, 30, 29, 28, 27, 26, 25, 24, 23, 22, 21, 20, 19, 18
 

Affected educational institutions

School Suburb LGA Last 24 hours TOTAL Reported
Sydney Girls High School Surry Hills Sydney - 1 Aug: 17
St Vincent's College Potts Point Sydney - 1 Aug: 14
Parramatta Public School Parramatta Parramatta - 1 Aug: 12
Batemans Bay High School Batehaven Eurobodalla - 2 Aug: 11
Batemans Bay Public school Surfside Eurobodalla - 1 Aug: 11
Bonnyrigg High School Bonnyrigg Fairfield - 1 Aug: 10, 4
Kids’ Early Learning Long Daycare Centre Quakers Hill Blacktown - 1 Aug: 10
St Francis Xavier's College Hamilton Newcastle - 1 Aug: 7
St Margaret Mary’s Primary School Merrylands Cumberland - 1 Aug: 6
St Pius X High School Adamstown Newcastle - 1 Aug: 6
Kids Learning Academy Busby Busby Liverpool - 1 Aug: 5
 

Latest COVID-19 case locations in NSW - as of 19/08

Increased testing and surveillance Self-isolate and get tested immediately Monitor for symptoms
Campbelltown LGA Huskisson: Wildginger (Added) Bankstown: Bankstown Central Shopping Centre
Canterbury-Bankstown LGA Lidcombe: Dooleys Lidcombe Catholic Club Bowral: Horderns Restaurant at Milton Park Country House Hotel and Spa
Cumberland LGA Mollymook: Rick Stein at Bannisters Campbelltown: Bunnings Warehouse
Fairfield LGA Castle Hill: Castle Towers Shopping Centre
Liverpool LGA Cherrybrook: PharmaSave Pharmacy in Appletree Shopping Centre
Parramatta LGA Concord: Crust Pizza
City of Sydney (East) LGA Double Bay: Café Perons
Homebush: DFO
Homebush West: Sydney Markets Flemington
Liverpool: Liverpool Hospital
Liverpool: Westfield Liverpool
North Strathfield: Woolworths Metro
Parramatta: Parramatta Local Court
Parramatta: Westfield Parramatta
Pennant Hills: St Agatha’s
Penrith: Baby Bunting
Rhodes: IKEA
Rose Bay: Den Sushi
Smithfield: Chopstix Asian Cuisine, Smithfield RSL
Wetherill Park: 5th Avenue Beauty Bar
 
submitted by Stoaticor to CoronavirusDownunder [link] [comments]


2020.08.18 04:22 welcometosouthapp Welcome to South App #4: "Outside 101"

Monday, August 17th, 2020
Winston Beavers was having a very bad day.
It all began at 5 AM when his phone alarm vibrated. He rolled over on his belly and silenced it before it could wake Tai. It was the first day of class, but Winston wasn’t rising early to drink coffee and read the student newspaper. Instead, he grabbed his trusty silk tie and used it to hang his tablet from the sprinkler head. He slipped his headphones on, booted up some porn, and got straight down to business with both hands.
Now his contraption was holding on by faith and faith alone. But Winston paid no mind. He listened to Irish redheads moaning in his ear while he arched his back and curled his toes. And with each passing second, the weight of the tablet began to wear on the old, rusty sprinkler head.
So, when Winston exploded, so did that sprinkler head.
“Fuck!” Winston yelled, choking on a mouthful of rusty water. He tumbled off the top bunk, landing square on his ass. He scrambled to his feet, grabbed a binder from his desk, and rushed out the room - slipping on the puddle on his way out. Tai was already in the hallway, naked and wrapped in a wet blanket.
“What the hell, asshole?!” Tai blurted out, shivering with his laptop and backpack in each hand. “I told you not to jerk off like that!”
“Save your breath, partner,” Winston reassured him. “This here binder is the only important thing in that goddamn room.”
As water seeped into the hallway, Winston reckoned his luck had finally run out. Earlier this week, the Asheville PD had informed him that his prized Single Action Army was nowhere to be found in evidence. But he still had his precious binder, with the letters BDE inscribed on the spine. And when the water was finally shut off, Winston stuffed the binder back in his desk and made Tai pinky swear to keep it a secret.
***
A few hours later, Tai sat on the sofa in a local Asheville coffee shop with a drink and a bible in front of him.
As your wing-woman, I shall provide some friendly reminders!” Gigi cheerfully told Tai over the phone. “Make sure you’re facing the door so you can see when he comes in. Oh, and remember the order of operations: turn a page, sip your drink, make eye contact. Turn, sip, eyes!
“Uh, are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Tai whispered, as sleepy, hungover students filed in.
“I’m setting you up on an impromptu date on a Monday morning, am I not?”
“And have you run this strategy by amateur wingman extraordinaire Winston Beavers?”
Gigi paused. “Winston and I are...no longer on speaking terms. Sorry! I do not consent to any conversation about the aforementioned obnoxious brute whatsoever. Good luck!”
Gigi hung up. So Tai, who had never touched a bible, flipped to Ephesians like Gigi had coached him before. In fact, she’d planned out everything down to the last detail: the NIV version of the bible, the iced caramel macchiato, and the red and white checkerboard Vans he wore.
But Tai’s mind wandered to a more interesting book that he also had not yet read. He wanted to know what the hell was in Winston’s binder.
Suddenly, Jacky California walked into the cafe. Showtime. His 7:30 coffee break was expected. (Gigi found Jacky’s schedule on Facebook, and a quick visit to this cafe before 8 AM Intermediate Spanish just made sense.) Check. Turn, sip, eyes. Jacky waited in line, wearing a slim-fit red Abercrombie polo, bleached holy jeans, and his prized red and white checkerboard Vans. And his shoe decision, yet again, was also expected. (Gigi discovered that Jacky had only two classes on Monday, influencing his choice in that comfy pair of shoes that he wore in his profile pic). Check. Turn, sip, eyes. When Jacky stepped up to the counter, he ordered an iced caramel macchiato. And, once again, Gigi predicted this move. (Whatever the weather, Jacky’s SoCal roots virtually guaranteed an icy, watered-down coffee approach. Not to mention, nobody drinks hot coffee after sitting in the tanning bed for 30 minutes. Which, according to Gigi’s sleuthing, Jacky partook in every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.) Check. Turn, sip, eyes. Finally, while waiting for his order, Jacky pulled out his NIV study bible and flipped to the Book of Acts. (This time, Gigi was only partially off-base. His Facebook modeling photos were actually captioned with Ephesians bible verses. Nothing a quick fix couldn’t remedy). So Tai flipped straight to Acts, took a long sip of his macchiato, and made direct eye contact with Jacky as he walked over.
“Bro, this is freakin’ gnarly!” Jacky said in disbelief, pointing out their matching shoes, bible, and drink. “This is some righteous Revelation-level prophecy if I’ve ever seen it. Hey, my name’s Jacky. Is this seat ocupado?”
***
“Oh no!” Claire exclaimed, stroking Winston's fuzzy beard. “I’m, like, totally sorry about my stud’s mishap this morning!”
“Thank ya, peach pie,” Winston said, shaking his head. “I reckon they’ll move my ass to the broom closet and hang me out to dry.”
Claire and Winston were sitting in the Rec Center courtyard in athletic gear, along with several other hungover students. This was the Outdoors Adventures Seminar, AKA “Outside 101.” For many, it was a breezy way to snag the required Health and Fitness credit hour. And that's exactly why Gigi and Frank were also in this class. They sat on the opposite side of the courtyard, quietly gossipping and shooting the occasional glance their way.
“Your friends over there are, like, totally ignoring us!” Claire piped up, tugging Winston’s sleeve. “That’s, like, so rude.”
“Don’t trouble yourself, puddin’ muffin. They just ain’t ready for us yet.”
“And, like, oh my God! Ryan flat-out told me those are, like, the two people who broke into the frat house and blew up his daddy’s ashes! They are, like, total thugs. Ew!”
“Ah, my sister explained to me that it was a big misunderstanding, bundt cake,” Winston replied, feigning interest.
“Well, you should totally talk some sense to that Asian friend of yours, or else this class is gonna be, like, hella awkward,” Claire suggested. “She has, like, a salt and vinegar chip on her shoulder! It’s, like, totally not my fault that I can pull off a sports bra while she’s wearing those baggy clothes!”
True enough, Gigi and Frank had been giving them the cold shoulder ever since the frat house raid. For Frank, this was because of Winston’s affiliation with Claire Dansby and the notorious fraternity she represented. As for Gigi, it was more simple and personal: the lap dance.
“Ahoy, ladies and germs!” greeted the rugged Australian instructor, decked out in bushman’s gear. “My name is Angus, and I want to welcome ya to Outside 101. While you shop different classes, I indeed hope you’ll choose to spend your semester with us. Today is the Gauntlet Challenge, where we’ll break off into groups and compete for a mighty fine prize!”
With that, Angus hurled an ax at a target behind the students. Bullseye. Everyone stood up to clap and cheer. “Now, everybody come up front and grab yourselves a fine ole’ nametag so we know who you are!”
Winston sprung up and headed for the front of the line. Gigi stood with her back to him, her long black hair draping over her Under Armor tank top. He cleared his throat. “Howdy. Looks like we’re gonna be getting a workout in today. So hey, can I have a word with ya in private?”
She spun around, showing him a forced smile. “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t consent to this conversation.”
With that, she grabbed a nametag and wrote “Gigi.” Winston cocked his head. “So, I seem to recall Sarah telling me that you’ve got a South Korean name that only your father calls you.”
“Ah, but what’s in a name anywho?” pondered Frank, stepping forward. “Sir Winston, I wish to extend a sincere congratulations to your acceptance into the Beta Delta Epsilon Sausage Club. And to that brazen bull of a woman under your thumb. Alas, a braver man than me are you!”
Gigi narrowed her eyes at Winston. “You don’t know my real name?” she stated matter-of-factly. “Do you even know me at all?”
Frank and Gigi walked back to their seat. The hair stood up on the back of Winston’s neck. But before he could retort, two late students entered the courtyard.
“Hey, what’s up dudes and dudettes?” Jacky greeted casually. “Sorry we’re late. We couldn’t find the-"
“Hellooo everyone!” Tai greeted the class flamboyantly. “Jacky-boy, I hope you’re ready for a totally fabulous time! Ready to sweat? Oh, will you look at the sports bra on that blonde gal over here! Looks like Victoria can’t keep her secret for long. Am I right, Tai? Hey, boo-boo! Yes, you in the sports bra. You are killing it!”
Claire giggled, thanking Tai. But he and Jacky wound up sitting next to Gigi and Frank instead, introducing each other. Winston watched from afar, shaking his head. So this is how my roommate acts when he’s no longer single, he thought. Then, when no one was watching, Winston reached into his pocket and pulled out a 20-dollar bill.
“Oi, Steve Irwin,” Winston whispered to Angus, slipping him the money. “I need ya to put me and my friends together in a group.”
Winston pointed out his four friends, scribbled “BAMF” on a nametag, and walked confidently back to his seat. Then, when Gigi was watching, he gave Claire a sloppy, wet kiss.
***
“First elimination challenge is ax throwing!” Angus announced, behind the wheel of a Volkswagen VW bus. “The world’s second-oldest profession.”
Per request, Angus had formed a group out of Winston, Claire, Frank, Gigi, Tai, and Jacky. Now, he was driving them to a deserted field at the base of Mount Pisgah in the Asheville wilderness. Once they arrived, he set up a huge wooden target, then tossed Winston an ax.
“Now you look like a bloke who’s done this before!” Angus remarked.
“Hell, my daddy had to put a lock on the shed,” Winston bragged.
“Winston is, like, totally a wild man when it comes to the outdoors!” Claire chimed in. “I’m, like, super-stoked for him to totally man-handle me in the bedroom.”
The other four cringed at each other. Then, Winston reared back and hurled the ax with two hands, hitting a large ring.
“Three points!” Angus called out. “Claire, think you can conquer this beast?”
Claire stepped forward and grabbed an ax. As a former high school cheerleader, she hid some muscles under her small frame. But what surprised everybody was how she tossed hers one-handed. She hit an inner ring: a five-pointer.
“This, like, ain’t my first rodeo, cowboy!” Claire teased. She brazenly grabbed another ax and under-handed it to Gigi. She yelped, but Frank stepped in and caught it.
“My stars!” he said to Claire. “A woman so supple, yet so brazen around the edges. A fine mistress you doth make!”
Winston walked over to Gigi and gave her a puzzled look. “In the words of Richard III,” he began. “It looks Frank would trade his kingdom for a whore.”
“Um...since when have you started dabbling in Old English plays?” Gigi asked, a bit uneasy.
“Looks like you don’t know me much at all yourself.”
Gigi blushed, either enraged or embarrassed. She left him to stand next to her boyfriend. Then, Frank performed a one-handed throw, landing an inner ring.
“Five points for Shakespeare!” Angus cheered. “Let’s see if Miss Hathaway can cut the mustard.”
Before Frank handed Gigi the ax, she was already tense. He helped her hold it with two hands in a beginner’s stance. “But soft!” he said, as Gigi took aim. “Plant it straight in the heart! Just like I shall soon plant my seed in your womb.”
Flustered and distracted, she heaved the ax for an outer ring.
“Oi, only one point,” Angus declared. “Better hope our last two competitors think off target!”
Jacky grabbed an ax and faced Gigi. “Bro, your boyfriend’s a perv. And so is that chick.”
Jacky pointed straight at Claire. She giggled obnoxiously, flicking her long blonde hair. Jacky rolled his eyes. “God, please bring this lost sheep home,” he quietly prayed. He flung it from over the shoulder, missing the target completely.
“Ah, I can tell you’re fancy a boomerang by the way you throw that bugger!” Angus chuckled. “Our first elimination. Last one, come on down!”
Before Tai could grab his ax, Gigi pulled him aside. “Um, as your fellow wing-woman,” she started, “I suggest you launch the caveman hunting apparatus into the margins for the express purpose of aborting and creating a more intimate scenario with your beloved wave rider.”
Now Tai had grown a little closer with Gigi ever since she matched him up with Jacky. But all he could muster was a blank stare. Gigi leaned in closer. “Lose on purpose so you can be alone with him!” she hissed.
“Oh, got it,” Tai whispered back. “Hey, Gigi? Do ya think I can borrow your room for a bit? There’s no way Jacky can find out I live in a flooded swamp.”
Suddenly, Jacky’s ax boomerang came twirling back around, heading straight for Tai. He jumped to the side with a shriek, watching the ax fly into a tree. “Righteous!” Jacky cheered, running back to fetch it. So with that in mind, Tai took aim and tossed his ax boomerang-style. As intended, it went flying far and wide past the target.
“And Tai and Jacky have been eliminated!” Angus declared. “That means the rest of ya advance to our next challenge. And an impressive performance from the blonde bombshell and Italian stallion, I might add.”
Claire walked up to Frank and slapped his ass. “Looks like we pervs, like, totally got it going on!”
Winston and Gigi stared at each other in shock. But before they knew it, Tai’s ax boomerang came soaring back, nailing the side of Angus’ Volkswagen.
***
“FIX THE FUCKING AC,” growled Evelyn the RA in a low, demonic voice. “I WILL BURN THIS MOTHERFUCKER TO THE GROUND.”
In Sarah and Gigi’s room, Tai and Jacky had taken shelter from this emo demon, who was now stomping up and down the hallway. Sure enough, the AC was broken again. And after Tai had escorted Jacky up seven flights of stairs to “his” room, they’d found it virtually impossible to stop sweating.
“So let’s dive into Genesis 5 where we left off,” Jacky suggested, as they sat together on the futon. “It’s a little gnarly since it’s all genealogy. We’ll have to quiz each other when we’re done so we make sure we got it down pat!”
Jacky cracked open the bible, just as Evelyn screamed from the hallway. They rushed to the door and peeked out. Evelyn had let down her jet-black hair and had smeared mascara on her, sweating pale face. She locked eyes with the two young men. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?” the demon within her tremored.
They quickly shut the door and got back to their bible study. “Well...anyway, this is the written account of Adam’s family line,” Jacky read. “Basically, this is gonna be a righteous heck-ton of funky names to remember. My youth pastor showed me an easy way to memorize them, where-”
Death metal blared in the hallway. Over the heavy muted guitar and the rapid-fire double bass, Evelyn released a primal roar.
“So yeah, an easy way to memorize the names is word association!” the sweating Jacky yelled over the screeching guitar solo. “For example, take Adam and Seth, who-”
“EVERYBODY BREAK SHIT,” Evelyn screamed, as the deafening breakdown began. Tai rushed to the door and peeked out again. This time, she was breaking off a long fluorescent light tube from the ceiling. Several of her female hallmates observed like visitors at a zoo. Evelyn reared back and smashed the wall, shattering the light into pieces.
“All right, bro,” Jacky finally sighed, shutting the bible and standing up. “Look, let’s just go to your actual room.”
“W-what?” Tai stuttered, closing the door.
“Come on brochacho,” Jacky said, slicking back his long blonde hair. “You think I didn’t catch on? There are the female girls in the hallway with the female devil incarnate. Not to mention the…dreadful taste in bedroom decor in whoever’s room this is. Come on, man. I wanna see the real you.”
They stared into each other's' cool grey eyes. Finally, Tai nodded and reached out to shake on it. Instead, Jacky held his hand and interlocked his fingers. They sneaked out into the hallway, and Jacky led the way to Tai’s room.
“H-how do you know where we’re going?” Tai asked.
“I’m your mailman,” Jacky answered, giving his hand a squeeze. “I know a lot more about you than you think. Heck, don’t even get me started on your roommate’s male enhancement subscription.”
As they descended the stairs, a herd of female students tried to restrain the spawn of Satan in the hall.
***
“Next up is the zip-line races!” Angus announced.
He drove the four competitors deep into the Pisgah National Forest with the ax still lodged in the van. He slowed to a stop in a green, tranquil meadow where sunlight peeked through the treetops. There, two huge zip-lines ran from the tops of starting platforms, all the way to a platform on the far side of the clearing.
Angus passed out a few safety harnesses, and everyone suited up. “Mine’s, like, a little too big!” Claire whined. “Gigi, you should totally trade with me since you have a tad more cushion for the pushin’! Hey, at least your boobs are smaller than mine! That, like, must be so convenient.”
Gigi ignored her, hooking herself to the lane behind Winston. Claire attached herself to the lane behind Frank. And Angus began the long walk toward the finish line platform. Now out of earshot, both groups began climbing the long rope ladders up to their platforms. Winston purposefully took his time. Halfway up the ladder, Winston stopped and looked down at Gigi.
“Hey, I know I’m being stubborn,” Winston said. “But I really wanna talk to you, if you’ll have me. Just give me a chance to explain-"
“She’s a total bitch!” Gigi hissed, surprising even herself. “If you’re dating her, we’re no longer friends.”
Frustrated and torn, Winston sighed. “Right. I reckon actions speak louder than words anyway.” He reached into his shorts pocket and pulled out a mini can of WD-40. Then, he proceeded to spray the shit out of both of their zip-line hooks.
“W-what the hell is wrong with you?” Gigi exclaimed, choking on the fumes.
“WD-40 is God’s lubricant,” Winston explained. “Now we’ll have a little speed boost when we race ‘em. Sorry, buddy, but I need us both to win so we have some alone time to sort things out.”
“You’re being absolutely ridiculous!” Gigi said, flabbergasted.
“I realize that. So I reckon I’ll make you an offer. When it’s me versus you at the finals, I’ll let you win so you get the Lazy Basil gift card. Deal?”
Suddenly, Gigi’s big, brown eyes shot open and her countenance sang a different tune. Lazy Basil was the finest Italian restaurant in all of Asheville - maybe all of North Carolina. And Frank would not be cooking her an Italian dinner until this Friday. After tasting a little bit of chocolate every day to prepare her body for cheese, she could not wait a day longer.
“Pray tell!” Frank suddenly yelled, looking down from his platform at the stragglers. “Art thou stuck on the ladder, Sir Winston? Mayhaps we require usage of a construction crane to haul up your portly frame.”
Winston grunted, then spat on the ground. “So what was that you were saying about my girlfriend being a bitch?” Winston asked Gigi.
Reaching the top of the ladder, Winston and Gigi stepped onto the platform. A perfect view of the bright green hemlock trees of the Pisgah National Forest. From the finish line platform, Angus pumped his fist. “Let’s get these wagon wheels a’rollin’!” his voice echoed across the forest. “Fellas up first!”
Winston made the mistake of looking down at the endless ocean of treetops. Stomach lurching, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then, hands trembling, he moved his greased-up zip-line hook to the starting position.
Gigi tapped his shoulder. “Are you...afraid of heights?” she asked, more like a mother than a caring friend.
A sudden breeze caused their platform to sway ever-so-slightly. Winston hunched over and vomited his morning screwdriver into a nest of endangered birds. He wiped his mouth and looked up at Frank’s shit-eating grin. Winston simultaneously flicked him off while giving Angus a thumbs up.
“Ah, we’ve got ourselves a fighter!” Angus called out. “Ready. Set. Go!”
Winston and Frank kicked off their platforms, soaring over the forest. Sure enough, his WD-40 hack gave him the extra acceleration he needed. He held a clear lead over Frank as Angus’ platform grew closer and closer. Not even Frank’s Italian expletives could stop him.
“Wiiinston wins!” Angus cheered, as Winston whizzed up to the platform. And only a split-second later, Frank came in hot, landing gracefully.
“I underestimated thy aerodynamic stature!” Frank admitted. “Mayhaps I too require an uptick in fine American cuisine, say steak and potatoes?”
Back at the starting line, Gigi grabbed her hook and slid it into a starting position. She looked up at her hands, now slick with grease.
“I’m, like, totally sorry about being so rude earlier,” Claire said, making a pouting face. “Look, if you let me win, you get to leave class early with Frank, and I can have the gift card! And not to be totally awkward, but I think you could, like, have a super-hot figure without that Italian food in your diet.”
Two minutes later.
“Gigi wins!” Angus cheered, as she came careening to the finish line. A split second later, Claire came flying by - seething.
“Like, it’s totally not fair!” Claire cried, stomping her feet. “Gigi, like, totally called me a hashtag raging thundercunt! It, like-like-like-like-like, totally distracted me from the race!” Again, more crocodile tears while Claire buried her face in Winston’s shoulder.
“Woe is me!” Frank cried out, grabbing her shoulders. “Oh, the humanity! Alas, say you did no such thing!”
“There, there,” Winston said nonchalantly, patting Claire’s head like a dog. “I’m sure it ain’t that serious.”
Angus covered his mouth. “Oi, Miss Gigi: did you in fact call Lady Claire a raging thundercunt?”
Gigi politely crossed her hands in front of her waist, her messy black hair cascading over her pale face. And then: a tell-all smile.
“Well, you know we handle potty-mouths in Australia, right?” Angus asked. “We fuckin’ celebrate ‘em! And as for sore losers? We make ‘em walk the plank!”
Angus shoved Claire and Frank off the platform. They screamed until the cable pulled taut, leaving them dangling in midair.
“Congratulations, ya raging thundercunts!” Angus said to Winston and Gigi. “Now off to the finals we go. And doncha’ worry, ya blimey losers. My teaching assistant will come get ya down and give ya a comfy ride straight back to campus!”
Winston and Gigi climbed down the ladder and followed Angus out of the woods, leaving Frank and Claire as dinner for vultures. When the two were alone, Claire kicked off her tennis shoes and stretched out, showing off her flat stomach.
“I, like, always thought I had sex in every possible position!” Claire reflected. “Well, except for the Amazon position, since my fraternity forbids it. Awwwkward! But I’ve, like, totally never had sex in midair. Should we try it, Frank?”
***
It was a manic scene in the 700 Hall of Firewater. Hesitant to get the police involved, Evelyn’s roommates were in the process of summoning a Catholic priest to perform an exorcism. But she was no longer Tai and Jacky’s concern. The muffled screams, crashes, and bangs faded in the distance as the two guys entered the 300 Hall.
“We’re actually...not supposed to be here,” Tai cautioned, placing his hand on the doorknob to his room.
“How come, brotherman?” Jacky asked.
“It’s my roommate: Winston. There’s something in there that he doesn’t want me to know about. And he made me promise to not even let any visitors in our room.”
“So did he get it in writing, with a notary standing by?” Jacky joked.
“Pinky swear,” Tai corrected.
“Far out,” Jacky marveled. “That’s some next-level serious business.” Jacky chuckled, slicking his hair back. “So let me ask this about your roommate: would he rather us be in your room, or his sister’s room?”
Tai froze. Finally, he unlocked the door. “Touché.”
The mildew hit them like a freight train. The mattresses, rug, and futon cushion were all gone. Besides that, Jacky was standing in a typical college dorm. A football schedule and Megan Fox poster on Winston’s side. Video game and anime posters on Tai’s side. A dirty microwave and a mini-fridge, probably filled with light beer and leftover Chinese takeout.
Tai sat on the metal futon frame and patted the spot next to him. “So, what if we used flashcards to memorize some of those biblical names? It’s important for me to - WHAAA-!”
Jacky was frantically searching through Winston’s drawers. “Bingo, my man!” He held up the binder and read the spine. “What’s BDE anyway? Does it stand for big...uh, big-penis energy? Sounds like your roomie has some gnarly ego issues.”
Distracting himself, Tai opened the bible in his trembling hands. “So...uh...there’s Shem...Ham...and Japeth, the three sons of-”
Jacky plopped down next to Tai and opened the binder. “Dude! Do you know what this is?”
Tai looked down at pages upon pages of driver’s licenses in card sleeves. Every race, creed, and gender under the sun. And all featured photos that could pass for any young-looking 21-year-old.
Tai and Jacky had just uncovered Beta Delta Epsilon’s secret fake ID operation. Jacky searched through a few pages, and finally pulled out an ID that could pass for Tai. He removed it from the sleeve and placed it in Tai’s shaking hand. Then, he sat on his lap and held up an ID of a tan white guy with blonde hair. “I don’t wanna talk about Shem and Ham, my dude,” Jacky declared. “I wanna talk about our new legal names: Caleb and Demitri.”
“Ah, now I have an actual black guy’s name,” Tai chuckled, forcing a smirk. Suddenly, he slipped his hand up Jacky’s shirt, feeling his rock-hard abs. “I, uh...so do you want to roleplay...Caleb?”
“Not just roleplay, my dude,” Jacky whispered into Tai’s ear, nuzzling his cheek. “I want to help other people roleplay. Dude! What if we stole these fake ID’s and sold them to every underage student on campus? Think of how freaking righteous that money would be!” Tai’s heart raced as Jacky swung his legs over Tai’s waist, straddling him. Jacky ran his lips from his collarbone to his ear.
“That’s...illegal,” Tai moaned softly. “Not to mention a little ungodly.”
“Maybe so,” Jacky said, nibbling his ear. “But I follow God, not the world. Some people don’t know the difference.
“Caleb” and “Dimitri” rolled off the futon, kissing, biting, and scratching each other until the clothes flew off. And little did they know Evelyn was scouring the 300 Hall with a chef’s knife in her hand, searching for them.
***
“The grand finale!” Angus announced. “The rock climbing wall!”
Angus led Winston and Gigi to a huge rock wall on the face of the Pisgah Mountains. This time, there was no cheat code in the world that would work in Winston’s favor. While his upper-body strength toppled that of Gigi, he was simply hauling a much larger load.
“The rumors are true!” Angus chuckled. “There is a 50-dollar Lazy Basil gift card up for grabs for the first one to reach the top.”
He strapped Winston and Gigi to the climbing cables, then took a step back. The trembling Winston glanced over at the cool, confident Gigi. “It looks like it’s just me and you, buddy,” he said. “So, do ya reckon you can tell me what I can do to make things right?”
“Go, go, go!” Angus suddenly shouted.
Gigi, quick and nimble, jumped straight up and grabbed her first hold. With ease, she began traversing the wall like an orangutan. Winston chugged along, contorting his body in awkward positions just to keep from falling.
“Look, Gigi!” Winston called out. “I hate that it’s like this between us. Man, I just wanna know what I can do. Hell, you can have my purple V-neck shirt that you accidentally stole.”
No response still. She worked swiftly and calmly as she approached the halfway point. Winston caught a lucky break, catching some easy holds as he covered a few feet. But there was no way in hell he could match Gigi’s steady pace. Plus, the higher he got, the higher the screwdriver rose in his throat.
Desperate, Winston reached around with one hand and unstrapped his vest.
“Oi, what the fuck are ya doing, mate?” Angus spat from far down below. Winston slipped out of the vest and pushed it to the side. Now, he was climbing freely. Fear coursed through his veins, but so did adrenaline. He used that stress to heave himself up much faster than before. Gigi, now past the halfway point, looked down to see Winston’s pleading eyes looking up at her.
“Gigi, I’m sorry!” Winston yelled. “Look, I...I can’t honestly tell you that I’m sorry for meeting up with Claire at the house. Because I’m not. But fuck, I’m sorry you had to walk in and see it! And...I’m plum-fuckin’ sorry I didn’t consider your feelings for me at the time. I reckon that ship has sailed. But fuck, I don’t wanna lose our friendship over it, Gigi!”
Gigi smiled at Winston for the first time that day. She shut her eyes tightly, fighting to block the tears. When she opened them again, Winston’s white knuckles curled around a tough hold.
“I’m not sure how long I can hold on, partner,” Winston groaned, smiling weakly. Slowly, piss began running down his leg, trickling a long way down to the ground below. Gigi began quickly backtracking, holding her breath.
“Winston,” Gigi consoled him calmly, now by his side. “I need you...I need you to reach out and hold me. Don’t let me go.”
He took a deep breath, then wrapped his arms around Gigi’s slim waist. His legs dangled free, supported only by her. Breathing heavily, Gigi kicked off the rock facing. Slowly, they began to descend.
“My real name is Ji-hye,” she said, as they approached solid ground.
“Ji-hye,” Winston repeated, his heart pounding as he held her in a death grip. “So, uh...why did you wanna tell me that?”
“Um...because we’re friends again!” she cheered, as they reached the bottom.
But before he could release her, Angus yanked his collar and held a hunting knife to his throat. His hair and face were drenched in Winston’s piss. “Oi, I oughta gut you like a fuckin’ fish, ya blimey bastard!”
“Wait, it’s not his fault!” Gigi interjected. “Um...a yellowjacket got caught between his shirt and vest and stung him pretty bad. He’s allergic, so he had no choice but to take it off!”
Angus cocked his head, letting her words marinate like the piss in his hair. Then, a proper belly laugh. He gave Winston a shove and put the knife away. “Yellowjackets?! Why, you Americans and bonafide pussies, that’s what ya are! Oi, you wouldn’t last a second down unda!”
Angus reached in his pocket and pulled out two 50-dollar Lazy Basil gift cards. “Fuck it, take ‘em both. After all, that was a mighty impressive showing of teamwork up there!”
Winston cleared his throat and held his hand up. “Thanks for the offer, Angus. But I’m a proud conservative. And I don’t need no goddamn participation trophies.”
Gigi socked him in the stomach. “Accept the gift card or we’re no longer friends!” she hissed, salivating over her imminent cheese dream.
***
“YOU HAVE SOMETHING I WANT,” the demon growled in the hallway.
Evelyn slowly dragged her chef’s knife across the door of Room 309 - a knife much larger than Angus’. Tai stared out the peephole, then rushed to the futon to grab his bible.
“We need to perform an exorcism ourselves!” Tai suggested, wearing nothing but bright blue boxers with coconut patterns.
“RIghteous idea, my man!” Jacky replied, donning yellow pineapple briefs. “The word of God is an indispensable weapon during the end times that we live in!”
Tai stared out the peephole again. Now, a senile Evelyn gently tapped the door with the tip of her knife. “Hey, uh, Evelyn,” Tai called out softly. “Why don’t we comb through Genesis together? I sure could use your help in memorizing the lineage of Adam!”
“NO BIBLE. I WILL STRANGLE YOU WITH YOUR INTESTINES!”
Jacky gave a thumbs up from the frame of the futon. “See, it’s working! That’s the devil in her trying to resist. But no man, woman, or spawn of Satan could possibly resist the righteous infallible word of God!”
Tai chuckled, half-nervous and half-relieved. Then, he opened the door halfway. “Welcome to our bible study, Evelyn! So if you would have a seat on our super comfy futon, we can-"
Suddenly, Tai lept behind the door as Evelyn charged through the room with her knife held high. “DIE! DIE! DIE!” she shrieked, heading straight for Jacky. He swiftly rolled under the futon frame, as Evelyn began stabbing through it, aiming for the head.
“Fuck!” Tai screamed, frantically flipping to Genesis 5. “Um, um...let the power of Christ compel you with His holy word! Enoch begat Methuselah, and Methuselah begat Lamech, and Lamech begat Noah!”
“WHY CAN’T I HAVE WHAT YOU HAVE?” Evelyn screamed. While Jacky cowered in a fetal position, she reared back and stabbed a hole in the wall.
“Oh, Evelyyyn?” Sarah Beavers called out, stepping into the room.
Evelyn spun around to face her, tears and mascara running down her face. She dropped the knife. Then, she swiveled her head around the room, dazed and confused.
“Oh...no,” Evelyn whispered in her normal voice. “Sarah, I did something bad, didn’t I?”
“Shush, it’s all gravy,” Sarah assured her, while Tai and Jacky looked at each other in shock. “Boys, let this be a lesson to you. Envy possessed Evelyn today. Not only was she envious of your AC, but also of your totally-rad same-sex relationship.”
Tai and Jacky realized they were still half-naked, and that it was too late to hide it. Evelyn, moaning softly, crawled over to Sarah and lay her head on her lap. Then, she began playing with Sarah’s dangling dreadlocks. “Now, now - no touchy-feely of the genitals,” Sarah politely warned her. “An asexual chick like myself ain’t no lamp in a corner, ya dig?”
Then, Sarah spotted the BDE binder on Tai’s desk. Cocking her head to the side, she slowly stood up to take a closer look.
“Shit,” Tai whispered to Jacky. “What do we do?”
“We can’t let her know about our operation,” Jacky whispered back.
“So, if my inner chi serves me well,” Sarah began, flipping through the pages. “You two plan on stealing Beta Delta Epsilon's fake ID collection from Winston, in a grand scheme to sell them to underage students?”
“What in the H-E-double-hockey-sticks?” Jacky whispered to Tai. “A psychic hippie? What kind of friends are you rolling with, bro?”
“I can hear you,” Sarah advised. She sat down next to Evelyn and slipped out an ID of a brunette hipster girl with straight hair. “It’s a crying shame that Winston didn’t think to include any white girls with dreadlocks. Simple-minded if you ask me. Oh! Evelyn, I found an ID just for you. See, she looks just like the chick from The Ring.”
“I will eat your soul,” Evelyn said in her normal voice. Suddenly, she pinned Sarah down and started tickling the hell out of her.
“Wait, so you’re not mad?” Tai asked Sarah, watching Evelyn win the completely non-sexual “game.”
Sarah caught her breath from her massive tickle-fit. Then, she snapped the binder shut. “Mad? Are you high? I’m a broke college student too. As a matter of fact, if you’re going to be making crazy money, I want in on it too. Evelyn and I both want in. And nobody, I mean nobody, breathes a word of this to my brother.”
***
Nine outgoing calls. Zero incoming calls.
Gigi slipped her phone back into her purse, fighting the urge to make it 10. On that windy night, she stood in downtown Asheville in front of Lazy Basil, waiting for Frank to fall from the sky. She was dressed up in a black polka-dot maxi dress with a white bow in her hair, knowing that she would be turned away for so much as thinking about blue jeans.
She grabbed a menu and read through the appetizers. Tempura Fried Calamari? Maybe. Chunky Spinach and Artichoke Dip? Eh. And then, her big brown eyes widened when she saw it. Caprese salad: fresh buffalo mozzarella topped with local organic tomatoes, balsamic vinegar, and fresh basil leaves from our herb garden.
“So he stood ya up, huh?”
Winston leaned against the streetlight in a black suit and tie. He took a final puff on his cigar, tossed it, then walked over to Gigi to read her menu. And like always, the smell of tobacco was masked by Winston’s signature sandalwood cologne.
“I can’t decide if I want the loaded macaroni and cheese,” Winston pondered, “or the fried cheese logs with marinara. Hey, ya reckon we could order one of each and share?”
Gigi wiped drool from the side of her mouth and came to her senses. “Um...wait, you’re not here for a date with Claire?”
Winston took out his phone and showed her the screen. Sixty-eight outgoing calls. Zero incoming calls. “Reckon I should try to call her one last time?” he asked with a grin. “I mean, I don’t wanna come off like a simp or nothin’.”
Fifteen minutes later, they were seated at a candlelit table for two. While they sipped on large glasses of red Moscato, Gigi explained her lactose intolerance and Frank’s plans to introduce her to cheese for the first time.
“So let me get this straight,” Winston said, leaning in. “You consider this cheating on your boyfriend, don’t you?”
“Um...well, it has nothing to do with you!” Gigi laughed nervously. “It’s...well, it’s cheating if I eat that.”
The waiter came over with a platter of Caprese salad and a refill of red wine. Winston picked up a soft, fluffy cheese disc and tore it in half. “I’m not a betting man. But I wager if your boyfriend wanted to have dinner with you, he’d be the one sitting across from ya.”
Gigi stared into Winston’s pale blue eyes, then at the mozzarella. Slowly, she reached out and placed it on her tongue. Then, she closed her eyes as the creamy, silky flavor graced her palate. She swallowed, then grabbed another, shoving the whole disc in her mouth. Satisfied, Winston pushed the plate toward her. Then, he took out his phone and turned on the camera.
“Here’s to Gigi’s first dairy experience,” he announced, taking a photo. “And, I reckon, the moment before one of her many trips to the bathroom.”
She gasped, tossing her dinner napkin at him. They laughed, garnering the attention of a couple of older, quieter patrons. But Winston and Gigi lived in their own world, sipping refill after refill of wine as she alone cleaned that plate. Before long, the waiter returned with fried mozzarella logs for Winston and loaded macaroni and cheese for Gigi.
“So, all jokes aside,” Gigi started. She leaned forward, the candlelight casting a golden glow on her grinning, pale face. “In your old YouTube days...how long would it take you to eat everything on this table?”
“Son of a bitch!” Winston laughed, dunking a log into his marinara. “I knew my sister told ya about my eating channel! How much of it did you get around to watching?”
“Oh, you don’t want to know!” Gigi giggled, taking her first-ever bite of mac and cheese.
And while the two loyal friends shared stories and cheese dishes, their other friends betrayed loyalty that night. Sarah, Tai, Evelyn, and Jacky used Winston’s fake IDs to bar crawl all over downtown Asheville. And Claire sneaked Frank into the Beta Delta Epsilon frat house, where they rolled in the sheets all night long.
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2020.08.07 10:21 ManSloth Stuck in Victoria, trying to gain travel exemption to WA. Can't make contact with any helpful humans in WA gov. Any suggestions?

Long read ahead so TL;DR: My partner and I need to get back to WA from VIC to provide care for my mother but I am stuck in bureaucratic hell. Can't contact any humans. What do?
Too Short; Need Details: So I've been in Victoria for 3 years but I grew up in WA; all my family is there. My mother is 55 and in poor health, her partner (my stepfather) of 10 years passed away unexpectedly in April. She's struggling with grief, unemployed (retraining), dealing with her deceased partner's estate, and altogether not coping well. I was granted a compassionate grounds travel exemption to visit for the funeral in May, came back to Victoria and made plans to move back over west, with my partner in tow, to help my mother out for a while, and be closer to all my other family. My mother's own father, my grandfather, is also basically on his deathbed. I need to get over there and out of self quarantine ASAP if I want to see him alive. I've explained all of this in the applications, except about my grandfather because we're waiting on a note from his Doctor.
The problem: WA gov & police are being absolute bureaucratic scumbags. I have been applying for exempt status since mid-June and just being fobbed off and faffed about at every turn.
There are two means by which to apply for exempt travel: By filling a form and emailing [email protected], or by an app called G2G. Initially, when I applied for compassionate grounds exemption in May, I did so by contacting [email protected], which was fairly unresponsive so I also applied by G2G. Both means of request were granted, and I visited WA for the funeral. No problems.
Back to Vic and applied again for an exemption in June to permanently migrate back to WA, which was granted, then revoked once Victorian COVID-19 cases started blowing out. They said anyone having been in Victoria 14 days before entering WA needs to reapply. anyone attempting to enter WA without reapplying will be immediately returned to point of origin. That's fine, fair enough. Reapplied. At this point I had just been applying via that email address because the G2G app seemed less responsive and was clunky to deal with: frequently changing interface; initially very little details of an application could be updated once submitted, you had to just delete and resubmit the application; that felt like losing progress, so I was sticking to the email method. In hindsight I should have been submitting to both, but I'm lucky enough to have a good job at the moment (WFH) and I didn't make the time for more applications.
No response for days. I repeatedly reach out to [email protected], to finally, after a month of waiting (in the meantime giving Notice of Intention to Vacate to our landlord and packing much of our belongings) receive some copy pasted/automated tripe response about my application being ignored because it is a duplicate of an unnaproved application via the G2G app (not a great thing to read for a distressing issue in a distressing time - after waiting A MONTH). Great, thanks. (They have previously suggested, in auto-replies, to apply via the G2G app for fast processing and blah blah blah but it never said anywhere about duplicates being ignored - this part is a real mess).
My mother went so far as to contact her local member about our case - who forwarded her complaint to the premier's office - who forwarded it to the WA police - who contacted her and said "sorry, it's not a strong enough case, gather more evidence, resubmit and they'll be approved". So she got a letter of support from her doctor, wrote one of her own for my partner, all of which I have submitted, as well as the hospital report for the death of my stepfather, and multiple forms of identification for my partner - which were requested despite her already having given passport details and being previously approved for exemption without those further details.
This is a contentious side-point but I think it should be noted that she (my partner) is of asian appearance & name, and on a PR visa in Australia. Her applications have been repeatedly knocked back, requesting much further details than my applications. We are, however, in a defacto relationship of 4 years, financially & legally partnerred in the eyes of the government. There is noticable pattern of further scrutiny to her applications. Which I can understand but it feels dirty.
Back on task: rejected by email, applying via the G2G app. They've rolled out some changes, its functionality has improved and it's more streamlined. Great - so I bit my tongue (I have literally been savaging my tongue due to stress) and submitted another two applications by G2G for myself and partner last Sunday 2/8. According to information on the G2G site, they are processing claims based on "stated date of travel". I have stated the travel date as 15/8 - which you'd thing is pretty fucking close as far as priority is concerned - and the applications are currently "Pending Endorsement", which I believe is the final stage of processing.
However, after the treatment we have received and the current state of Victoria, I'm not hopeful of success - and further to that, I want to find some accountability for this dog's breakfast of a process. Our treatment is not fair and it's not acceptable. I fully understand the strict border controls, I want the WA border to remain closed, I think all the borders should be closed and Victoria should have gone into full lock down as soon as there was clear evidence of community transmission.
I know these are "uNpReCeDeNtEd TiMeS", but it's been an unprecedented time for 6 fucking months. They know who we are, they know where we will be quarantining, we will submit to tests, we wear masks and social distance, we have no symptoms, and we are in dire straits. I know they can't take those last points as known facts, but they can do better than this. We shouldn't be the kind of country that willfully marginalises people in vulnerable situations. I want to believe that our situation is an unintended consequence of systemic failure in a global crisis, but - at risk of being labelled a Karen - there should still be accountability.
I've tried contacting WA police, but I'm not allowed to speak to anyone about anything COVID except those kafkaesque automated phone-bots that go nowhere. I'm at the point of reaching out to Australian media - which I loathe the thought of - I've even made my first ever reddit thread - shock!
What the hell can I do here to gain some traction on our case, and also encourage some responsible management of this kind of situation from the WA government and police?
There are undoubtedly a lot more people in similar situations, who don't have the time or means to put up a fight. Anecdotally, I hear cases of people being granted access to WA for things like weddings, while we're being rejected. I don't want to believe that, but if you know of any cases, I'd love to get on my vuvuzela about it and make some noise.
Thanks for reading, this is also a vent as well as a request for help. I'm open to any support and advice.
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2020.07.27 12:06 elvis27JJul Stra-nger Da-ting A-pp

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